Route of Attack

We sit up high

There are places I see from my peak that I can not reach nonetheless

In my mind exist a few

The sparsity of the phenomena

To explore

But have no say

What I mean is

There are distinct problems

That are very large

That I guess I could attack

Knew I how

At this point people call me crazy

Maybe it’s not even real

The language is simple

Overly so

But I must communicate clearly with you

I have goals

I have problems

And others have problems with my problems

So it’s pretty antagonistic

In sum

This leads to a lot of discord

And conflict

Inside and out

But for now

I’ll just get my coffee

You all.

Are stalking me.

You’re monitoring my every move.

And you want me to move a certain way.

To your specifications.

Which I don’t.

And when I don’t you hurt me.

You people.

Are so hard to please.

You.

You.

You people,

You.

I guess I live in a mini police state and it’s not that big of a deal but I don’t really have anything to do still and I still can’t read and I think people are keeping it bad for me on purpose.

I see my therapist on Tuesday.

Spikes. =/

I don’t have anything to say at this moment, actually, but I like writing. I know that it won’t stop aggressors, but it does release some happy brain chemicals. My mother is still psychically assaulting me with piercing spikes.

Psychotic trip update

Well, there’s someone behind all this and there’s tons of aggression being directed toward me again. It’s all a bad trip, I know what a bad trip is like, and I am bad tripping. It doesn’t seem linked to anything I have ingested. I think I just have schizoaffective disorder.

Visions, seeing things with my inner eye. Real things jump out at me, things that aren’t alive appear alive. There were eyes and ears everywhere a second ago, and my family is always spying on me. I don’t know how it’s connected. I don’t know who’s behind all this. All the objects in the house. I don’t understand the behavior of my family. And out, with my brother and mother, everyone was starting violent fights with me not by doing anything but just the way they were acting. I don’t know why or how they are so powerful that they can just start fights from across the street with a stranger. Unless everyone knows me somehow, from somewhere. I don’t know how everyone could know me.

I can’t really settle down. And I’m being forced to move my body a certain way. Forced moves. Some sort of game I guess. Except I never chose to play. Visions again, inner eye. Seeing family behaving disturbingly.

I increased my antipsychotic today. Psychiatrist says it takes a few days for effects to start kicking in. I don’t trust that guy. What if the medication’s doped? What if the whole system is just making it worse?

Anyway I’ve got my hands full. I don’t know how I’m supposed to work like this on Monday.

Vape vape vape. Two beers.  Cheers. One for you and one for me.