la terreur

but what instead of the art that had found itself in between me and my way

there had been something of atrocity?

bodies being chopped up

diabolical murder-surgery

military experiments

what, you don’t watch those videos for fun?

you must prepare for everything

i do not even when i am the weak stick in the drawer

i sense failure coming

i sense the war winning

i sense defeat

and i am a million miles away from any doom

how can this be so?

[Alternate Route] Issue #2

We’re still accepting submissions for issue #2 of alternate route! [ALTERNATE ROUTE] are creating a zine of poetry, prose, and art | Patreon, @alternateroute. The magazine is free for anyone to view, but donations on patreon are accepted. We have two patrons so far! =). Our first issue came out in january and we release quarterly, which means the next is end of april. We’ll be paying our contributors once we amass enough funding (that is to say, more than little-to-none thus far lol).

Feel free to check out issue #1 for free on the Patreon page linked above. More information about how to get in touch is on our Twitter Profile, including email to send submissions to.

We accept poetry, prose, art, photography–more or less anything aesthetically palatable. When in doubt, just check with us.

Adieu,
varjak

Recruiting Artist/Photographer for Literary Collective

Hi everyone! I hope you are all in good spirits.

Me, Red-Bear-Sky, Pretty Words for Ugly Thoughts, and Words for Ghosts (all bloggers/writers here on WordPress.com) are starting a poetry/writing/art collective and are in need of an artist/photographer/graphic designer to help us stylize our biweekly online journal. I can provide further details if you are interested (varjakbaby11one@gmail.com). Commitment should be minimal, and we are all friendly lenient folks. If you are interested, please do not hesitate to contact me at the address above.

Bonne Chance,

varjak

Update // You Knew All Along

I don’t have depth perception

That is to say, I cannot feel deep emotions

See deep thoughts

 

 

Yesterday evening was good. I was able to focus on playing some computer games. Today I can’t focus on anything,  or, there’s an intense desire not to do things. Aversion to activity. Pacing back and forth a lot. God forbid reading. I wish so deeply I could enjoy reading.

 

You knew all along.

 

You swine.

 

I am drinking a lot of decaf and still on two teaspoons of kratom a day, but the second dose is now a flat teaspoon instead of a rounded teaspoon. Meaning, less heap. So we’re tapering, my mom and I. Meaning, I’m tapering with her guidance. My psychiatrist thinks I’m clean. I think the antipsychotics are what are causing my restlessness. He thinks it’s a six-month kratom withdrawal. He’s insane. I vape nonstop as reprieve.

You knew all along.

You swine.

The games yesterday were fun. I felt like I got part of my soul back. Today I am soulless.

 

You knew all along.

 

I guess that’s about it for the medical update. Au revoir.