When nothing really matters

I see you knowing me on the inside, on the outside, deterred

By the understanding of both distances from and between one another

Standing typically at place and in stead of wondrous things

No nonsense just a lust for the wild

And thoughts of deeper places, unknown to us

I think of them

We go there

The distance is measured

But it’s all a waste

Because nothing really matters

Well, I don’t have anything to do. I guess I’ll just be pathetic for four days now, not get any rest, and go back to a full workweek of work with my evil taxing group partner back from vacation on Monday.

I don’t have anything creative to say. There’s no adventure here for me. I don’t enjoy going to coffee shops. I wish I did. I am broken. I have a broken brain.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anything to do. I can’t do anything productive. I can’t do anything at all. What is wrong with me. I came home early because the big head gave everyone leave to leave early so I did because there was nothing to do at work. I’m going to be so nervous on Monday. I often am not sure if I can work, I worry if I will be able to work the next day. This is the norm for me.

I wish I had friends on here. Do you want to be my friend? Just introduce your true self.

I try to be true on here so you already know me if you’ve read a few of my entries.

I can’t read. If only I could enjoy reading. Imaginary worlds. Nonstop. Always somewhere else.

I was an innocent girl. Then, I started to grow up. My body started to betray me.

Now I have nothing left. I am not me. I am physiology. I am hormones and chemical reactions.

I don’t have any hobbies. I don’t have anything to do. I don’t know what to do. I can’t read. I just can’t read. I don’t know what to do. I want to read. I want to be lost in a world of imagination. But I can’t read. I don’t know what to do.

I just need a seed.  A “lead” I guess you call it. Something to start the network. For the adventure to begin there has to be an intriguing starting point.

Why don’t I make a vacuum cleaner? It can clean everything. I don’t know how to. I have to learn white magic.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any substances to rely on. No magical totems, no medicine or drugs. Not even legal ones, not even illegal ones. I would love to roll, I haven’t in so long. I miss drugs. I never did that many. An LSD trip could be nice, too. A low dose one.

Can somebody help me? Can you help me? I need someone to help me. I don’t have a life anymore.