Update: episode but feeling alright?

Fuck, you guys, I’m having a bad episode full of inner visualizations blending over my reality, voices in my head, an overwhelming sense of suspicion that everyone on Earth is playing a nasty trick on me, and I don’t feel totally terrible about it.

What am I supposed to make of that?

Gosh. I never knew having a good mood could be so important. This is still a terrible state to be in, but the coping goes a little longer way with more positive energy.

Now some schizophrenic rambling:

My brother is doing all my talking for me, my mother said don’t respond to “him” (whoever that is), and I think my symptoms and his craziness (my brother’s) are putting him in a depressed mood (my brother). His outsides and his insides are so different. He looks nothing like the way I see him behave in my mind’s eye. He’s a totally maniac, in all honesty. I’m the one diagnosed with schizophrenia? He’s such an insane idiot. Wow. I can’t stand it. And he’s full of energy! Way too much. What else can I say. This is not a good situation. I don’t know why he’s picking on me.

/end-schizophrenia

(JK wish it was that easy).

 

I’m still working on learning computer languages in hopes of designing this computer game and making some web sites. I have ideas for things to program, but I need to figure out how to program them. Having ideas really helps. For example, at work they were supporting me in learning SQL and kept asking what projects I had in mind; I didn’t have any, so we stopped the learning. My education, that is. So it goes. Must have ideas. Always ideas.

What else…

Yeah, just sipping on a cider, vaping (as always), and staring at this bag of chocolates on my desk. Take what implications from that you will.

Toodles (it’s always too soon).

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