Update: episode but feeling alright?

Fuck, you guys, I’m having a bad episode full of inner visualizations blending over my reality, voices in my head, an overwhelming sense of suspicion that everyone on Earth is playing a nasty trick on me, and I don’t feel totally terrible about it.

What am I supposed to make of that?

Gosh. I never knew having a good mood could be so important. This is still a terrible state to be in, but the coping goes a little longer way with more positive energy.

Now some schizophrenic rambling:

My brother is doing all my talking for me, my mother said don’t respond to “him” (whoever that is), and I think my symptoms and his craziness (my brother’s) are putting him in a depressed mood (my brother). His outsides and his insides are so different. He looks nothing like the way I see him behave in my mind’s eye. He’s a totally maniac, in all honesty. I’m the one diagnosed with schizophrenia? He’s such an insane idiot. Wow. I can’t stand it. And he’s full of energy! Way too much. What else can I say. This is not a good situation. I don’t know why he’s picking on me.


(JK wish it was that easy).


I’m still working on learning computer languages in hopes of designing this computer game and making some web sites. I have ideas for things to program, but I need to figure out how to program them. Having ideas really helps. For example, at work they were supporting me in learning SQL and kept asking what projects I had in mind; I didn’t have any, so we stopped the learning. My education, that is. So it goes. Must have ideas. Always ideas.

What else…

Yeah, just sipping on a cider, vaping (as always), and staring at this bag of chocolates on my desk. Take what implications from that you will.

Toodles (it’s always too soon).

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